Gangsta's Purradise

Yo. one, two. one, two.

Let me slam it down the microphone

I'm dying to eat, because I can't at home.

My human's been trippin with some crazy disease

No, that beotch won't feed me, even when I say please.

meowing with ma homies ...

I said meowing with ma homies ...

I been around ma hood, scoping out for bites

categorically, metaphorically, most every night

and I kinda get to thinking every time I go out

that my furry booty is workin' it like a girl scout

meowing with ma homies

everytime I say meow

you say

"biscuits!"

meow!

biscuits!

meow!

biscuits!

yo. yo. s'up peeps.

whooop! that was fun. time to go catch some zzz's.

The Beauty Myth

Yo. S' Up Peeps.

I've just been hanging around the house doing the usual. The last weigh in was, like, totally a let down for the human. Once again, I've only lost 10 grams.

He he he. She will give up soon, I am sure.

Decided to up the ante last week to REALLY make sure my human knows what I think of this bizarre supplication to norms of feminine beauty. Does she understand I am a feline? It's a totally different thing. I am not one of those catz who looks good in the magazines, but the reality is when you go in for a cuddle is a bag of bones surrounded by usually a short (ie. unfluffy) coat. The worst of these are of course the fuglies. I need not say any more on this matter.

Perhaps I should 'put out'. Maybe if I give my human a cuddle she might realise that she doesn't really want a svelt and sleek fug. She wants a bootylicious moi.

I digress.

So. Anyhoo. To make my point of protest, I have taken to spraying my unique eau de hissabelle on the carpet next to the heater. maXimum effect. rock out.

Catch yo later, peeps. I gotta go pee.

Love Hissabelle

Secret Stash = Sporran

Heh. Heh. Heh.

My human thinks that I'm suddenly full of energy and want to go outside and "play" for long periods of time.

It took the best part of a week to find, but I have discovered a secret stash about 1,000 tails away. Stored in a bowl with the words 'REX', I have found a supply of full-fat dry biscuits. It takes approximately half an hour to reach my supply, consume, and return to the immediate garden of my home. This should minimise weight loss and make my human question her ability to maintain the regime.

I WILL break her down. She will give up the nonsense.

Anyhoo. Catch yo later, peeps.

Love Hissabel.

PS thank you for the tip anon. re water retention. I will now try to consume an entire bowl of water prior to the next weigh in to minimise the weightloss results. Every gram counts in convincing my human that I am 'big boned' and should be return to normal portions.

6.2 on the richter scale

Yo. S'up peeps.

This diet thing is ridonculous. You know how much I have lost

... despite the pain

... the constant rumblings in my major intestines ... despite the desperate meows at 4am ... the racing to the food bowl anytime anyone goes anywhere near the servery

.... despite the acidic reflux of an empty stomach

... despite haughtiness and naughtiness

... despite scratching the couch as an act of resistance ...

despite EVERYTHINK!!! ...

I've lost friggin 10 grams.

Enter day 21 of diet hell.

Catch.